Why Is It So F*ing Hard To Rest?!
I recently returned from taking a whole three weeks off, which is the longest vacation I've had in about 10 years. We were in France and Portugal for a week each, and then I went up to Victoria, BC alone for a few days. It was much needed and I am so grateful I was able to do it because even after two weeks in Europe, I still felt wound up and edgy, and I needed some alone time.
I shared lots of my pics on social (yes, I totally put out the “highlight reel”!), but let me tell you, I had to work through a lot of guilt about taking that much time off, and it really got me thinking about how we women (and frankly, most Americans) do not know how to relax without feeling some level of guilt.
Our society equates productivity with success and value, and we perpetuate that by sacrificing our personal time for work. When we skip lunch, work crazy hours, or answer emails 24/7, we feed into this culture of toxic productivity. The Psychologist Nicola Jane Hobbs summed this up beautifully in her recent Instagram posts here, and here.
And worst of all, we women often shame one another or resent one another for taking time off and/or practicing self-care. We say things like "wow, must be nice to take all that time off", “she’s lazy, privileged, etc.,” if we aren’t constantly overdoing, or "she's so selfish" when a woman prioritizes her exercise, self-care, or alone time away from her family. And if we don't say or think these things about others, we say them to ourselves and I am 100% guilty of it.
I had blocked off what felt like a decadent 3 weeks for my vacay nearly a year ago (which I could do because I work for myself), but my husband had to go back to work a week before I did and he's in major crunch time right now. I felt so guilty about taking that 3rd week to myself while he was busting butt, but I also knew how badly I needed it, so I pushed through the discomfort and went anyway.
I knew that if I stayed home I would end up on my laptop and doing house projects, when what I really needed was another week of being away from it all and turning my brain off. I had to remind myself that while I love my work and I have a great life, the last 10 months have been intense for me with aging parent drama, loss, major growth and a sh*t ton of change, and I was exhausted.
While I wasn't burnt out on my work with clients, I was burnt out in other areas of life that were sucking my energy and passion away from my work, so something had to give. I always tell my clients to "protect their passion", meaning that if you burn yourself out, your passion can burnout too, and it's not worth it because both you and your business/career will suffer in the long run. Setting healthy boundaries and taking time off when you need it can prevent you from becoming burnt out and less effective in life, and the things you once enjoyed and looked forward to can start to feel like just another obligation and demand on your energy.
Of course, we can’t always afford big trips or getaways for various reasons, and that’s when it’s even more important to set aside time and space to recharge in every way possible. If you’re an introvert like me, that may mean time spent alone or in nature, and if you’re an extrovert, that may mean spending time with friends and loved ones who fill your cup energetically. It could mean taking a day trip somewhere or allowing yourself a whole day when you don’t get out of bed if you don’t want to, whatever helps you unwind and feel more relaxed.
If you are an entrepreneur like me, you may find it hard to turn off or transition out of work mode because it’s up to you and only you to make shit happen. It’s hard for us to unplug and step away because we fear everything will fall apart if we do. The irony of it is that the fastest way to wanting to scrap all your hard work and just go back to a j.o.b. is burning yourself out, so don’t fall prey to this type of self-sabotage! The idea that the harder you work the more successful you’ll be is actually bullshit. We’ve just heard it repeated for so long that we believe it.
Whether you’re in charge of your own schedule or not, booking time off is crucial and the men I know have no problem doing it, so we gals need to do it too and support other women for doing it. Let’s stop resenting others for making sure their needs are met and start meeting our own.
Chances are, the world will not end because you took time off and you might find that you come back feeling more refreshed, present, creative, and focused. Happy resting!
And just for fun, here’s a picture from the beautiful Alfama area of Lisbon for your viewing pleasure:
